Ratio

I feel like a large sink with a small drain.

Since I can't process quickly enough, since I can't see down the line, I suppose I'll just settle back and wait and see.

Tonight I went out with a few friends.  My longtime friend, her co-worker S-guy, and my co-worker friend.

We did a pub crawl and it was a lot of fun.  The neighborhood we went to was hosting a May the 4th Be With You pub crawl.  We didn't dress up but we had fun people watching and talking.

S-guy.  I'd met him recently at a dinner with my longtime friend and several others.  This is the second time seeing him.  I'm attracted to him.  He's tall.  He's a jeans and tshirt guy.  Longish hair.  Wears glasses, also wears glasses on top of his head.  He's warm and funny and included everyone. At one point we sat next to each other.  He'd shifted his leg and touched me.  I didn't pull away.  I didn't want to.  A few times he touched my back when we were walking.  To cross the street, around a crowd of people.  Nothing overt.  But it was nice.  I wanted to lean into him.  I wanted him to rest his hand there on my back.

The evening ended late.  It seemed to go by quickly.  He and I pulled up to a red light a few blocks away from where we'd all gone our separate ways and he asked if I had to be home and whether I'd like to go somewhere else.  Yes.  We landed at Denny's and had decaff coffee.  We talked easily enough about our kids, our ex's, a few people we know in common.  Not all of the subject matter was pleasant.  I found myself observing him, looking for what lurked beneath.  We talked for just over two hours.

He walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers.  I liked that he wasn't smooth about how to say goodnight and wasn't in a hurry to until he realized I was cold when the wind came up even though the day had been very warm.

He messaged me when he got home and said he had a great time and enjoyed our time talking together.

I didn't say anything about John.

It was nice to feel comfortable and enjoy sitting and having coffee with him talking about life, our kids. 
I cried while driving home. 

Big sink, little drain.  I'm not even sure how to articulate any of the things below the swirling soft foam on the surface...

I can't decide if I should stir up my thoughts or try to catch a few hours sleep before waking up and going to church at 9am.

I think I'll sleep.