Drama

Another one bites the dust.

There has been a change in me that has been quietly showing itself for a few years now.  It hasn't been easy. 

I simply stopped putting effort into people that didn't put effort in as well.  I also stopped tolerating toxic bs too.

My thinking in the early stages was this, my plate was simply too full in my nuclear life, so I wasn't going to force anything anymore. 

That is how I ended up not talking to my Grandparents for almost two years.  I just stopped calling because they communicated they didn't want me to, also, they Never called.  I stop, no contact for two years.  When I did initiate contact again it was in regard to my oldest son having is bday forgotten.  It took Months before I made that call.  As a result he received a card, and I was given an earful update of drama regarding my mother, her brother and the horrible boundary ignoring person she was being to my grandparents and her brother. In times of need my family has never been supportive.  No calls or concern for me after John's death.  My grandmother was irritated with me for not staying to look at her new house, the afternoon after his death... that is Crazy to me.
I finally reached a point where no matter how much I loved and was in love with John it was time.  It just happened so fast, so brutally.  Then... he is gone. 

Now it seems it has come to it again.  I find it interesting how I can know someone for so long and only just now accept certain truths regarding our relationship.  Someone I have considered my last link to any past I have, someone I have held onto for that very reason, attacked me today. 

And for the first time, I wasn't hurt by it.  I followed protocol while the realization was dawning.  She sent a cryptic text the evening before.  I asked what happened.  She didn't respond.  I thought back over the evening at things she said and started seeing a picture come together.  She sent another cryptic text today.  I asked again.  She let me know I'd offended her but wouldn't say how.  At this point I apologized with out knowing what I was apologizing for, but caring about having hurt my friend in some way, but that was it.  I didn't feel desperate like I have in the past to fix it.  I wasn't going to goddamn let her fuck with me anymore in this way.

My offense to her was, in a word, ridiculous.  I can say that with total blameless honesty.  I have a tendency to over take responsibility.  I've been working on it.  Thinking it through, working on boundaries, and not taking ALL the blame.

Her next message was a way below the belt punch and that is where the change happened.  She altered our friendship permanently. 

I prefer to take any situation and ring as much optimism as I can out of it, and in her cruelty she did say things I can work with, even though she didn't say them to help in any way.  She said them to injure, manipulate, shame, and unbalance me.  It's not the first time.

I'm not sure how it will play out, but I am not the same friend she had yesterday. 
I'm still not the type to put effort into putting her in her place.  I have years of ammunition.  It's not my style.  Who am I to judge?  And it's interesting to me she'd play that game with me knowing I admit honestly my faults and never go out of my way to put myself up as something better than anyone else.

I think I'll give her enough rope to hang herself with and watch her choke.