The Ripple Effect

Drop a stone in a still pool and watch the ripples disrupt the surface in ever growing rings from the center of impact.

Multiple stones, multiple ripples.

I know everyone has a still pool disrupted by ripples.  From the small and insignificant things that tumble into your moment, they are quickly responded to and then forgotten, to the big things...the things that create waves.  The large stone, the landslide that alters the landscape of the lake, the flow of everything.

Eventually nature incorporates everything.  Even when the landscape is become unrecognizable.  Life grows from death.

It can be painful and revealing to see how the impact can ripple out and touch everything.

The last year and a half is changing more than I realized.  I'm not sure I want to see any more, but I am sure I will.  The little losses.  The little failures.  The things I just became too overwhelmed to process that began to ripple into the things I needed to control and succeed in doing.  Some of those things I couldn't. 

I can only hope that further down the line I can look back and say to myself, 'More good than bad came out of it.  Those ripples, those losses, those failures propelled me here.  I like Here.'

Maybe I'll see I wasn't in the water being pushed down by every ripple that moved over me.  Perhaps I will find myself on stepping stones, creating something greater and stronger that helps me rise above it.

I can't help but feel sad though...seeing some of the loss of this last year or so.  I try to tell myself that what has passed was meant to pass.  But couldn't I have done better?  Then I wonder why do I try to take that on?

Letting go can be the very best thing I can learn to do.

So today, I let go.  

I met up with my girlfriend, had a long walk through some of my old neighborhoods, checked out a funky junk shop, talked about nothing much and laughed.

I like my life.  It's weird.  It's definitely in transition.  The things that are behind me will stay there, even the ones I regret.  When I think about regret I realize, past a hurt feeling or me being hard on myself, I am not so regretful.  Those things are gone for good reasons.  Moving forward I'll let go of a little more, let a little more good in.

Hey, I patched a hole today.  It's been there since we moved in.  It started out as a bit of dent caused my the corner of a big drawer my son was carrying in.  The Moron Cat has been working it over until it became a mess.  The patch kit cost less than $10.  I live in an apartment and I want to paint...

I'd also like new couches but there is NO Way I am buying new couches with these stinking teen aged boys that like to eat in the living room.

See?  Life moves forward... I'll be moving to my room now.  One of my sons has decided to watch Last Action Hero.  No thanks.