Peripheral Vision.

When backing up my car I look over my right shoulder.  I have found I can move quite fast and accurately this way, when driving backwards.  Including backing into my narrow garage.  I find I like to challenge myself, how fast and how accurate can I do this without running into anything?   I haven't run into anything yet.

Peripheral vision is a wonderful thing.  I remember once having a conversation with a Ninja.  He was explaining his peripheral vision was quit honed.  He could see more than the average person and was able to 'see' his environment more thoroughly, see details others ignore or never register.  He explained it helps him see and/or recognize a threat as well, as in sparring.

I feel I have a decent scope in my peripheral vision.  Compared to every else in my known family my vision is also quite good.  It must be reading in dim lighting and those weird exercises the eye doctor had me do with a pencil after I explained to him I could change my focus at will.  Strange man.  I don't think those exercises did anything but make me an excellent eye crosser to delight of my youngest son who at almost fourteen still likes it when I make faces at him. 

I have found recently if I am too close to something it tends to blur and strain my vision.  That sucks.  I now have thoughts of me with a gigantic magnifying glass while I sit with my house coat settled above my knees and my support hose making my legs look like sausages while I try to read USA today, or coupons or something.

I don't cut coupons.  I don't because when I tried in the past I always forgot them, or they were for items I didn't really care about anyway.


I've started writing to myself in Word Document.  I find I can be brutally honest there.  Something I have had a terrible time with that even when blogging anonymously.  I still hedge on the full monty info sharing.  So writing in word, I started yesterday, is an outlet.  Yay for me.  Besides, what's the Meme I saw?  Don't tell people your problems.  80% Don't Care, and 20% are Glad You Have Them.

I am well acquainted with that 20%.  I had a brief moment yesterday where I was giving the mental finger to a 'friend', then wondering if he was right, then my eye became tear-filled as well as a 'friends' that read the abusive things he'd written to me after I reached out to him in frustration over something, and then that calm that descends over me... that calm decisive moment when everything opens up... my spiritual peripheral vision...

The Armour of Spirit linking up Resolve. 

You don't treat me that way and see it pass without response. 

It just won't pay off like you hoped. Whatever creepy thing you hope to accomplish...

Sadly I understand it is a pathetic male response to sexual rejection.


Anyway.  For every nasy little boo out there I experience there is light shining on several others.  Some temporary, like my friends empathy at reading what had been written to me, and some sustaining.  I suppose it depends on each and every one of us to 'see' those lights and not let the shadows overtake us. 

Is it human nature to feel more poignantly to darker things in life?  To have to fight that back, battle constantly?

I like those sunny people.  Those people that find joy and hold it and share it.  You wouldn't notice it here because I have often used this place to vent or work out some of the stupid overwhelming drama that has gone on...but I tend to be optimistic.  This year has really challenged me.  I have been a deeply injure optimist that is trying to find her way again.  However that may be the case I am at my best when I shine a light of joy, hope, excitement, newness, and opportunity on another. 

This is probably why I am not so great at my job. 

That is why I am going back to school, at some point, and trying to figure out a path.  I give myself away a lot.

I need a practical platform to work from so that I might still give and not be personally bereft in the process.  I guess my rude and inappropriate 'friend' wasn't wrong in that. 

It's interesting, in a way, that someone can be so successful in some areas... so creative... and so horrifyingly impulsive and destructive in others.