I UnderWhelm

I like to believe I'm unaware because somehow I have become so good at avoiding eye contact, or having a poker face when I do.  I don't catch that lingering look anymore, unless some stupid POS guy is wasted, or pushed off onto me by my married friend when he tries to dance with her. 

Maybe I am just so tuned into assholes I can't see anything else.

I know a few times I have looked for one specific idea of someone, someone real.  He has a name that escaped parted lips years ago.  Adam.

Just a candied thought, no substance.  It's clear the universe is in the way of that one, in the way period.  Always a lot of static in-between.

The static being the creepy guys described above.  I feel like I exist, and don't.  Like I am corporeal but on another plane, in another dimension.  I can see and touch the one I slip through, but for others I don't register.

It is Odd to go unseen.  To be this transitory thing I feel I have become.

It's lonely and frustrating.  It actually feels like something is acting as a barrier.  Is this normal?

Other times I am grateful, looking around I see nothing much I want to see.  Even for one such as myself, one that likes to watch the organism pulse and drive itself to its violent splitting off in pairs and eventual dissipation and reassembly. 

There might be one person I'd like to talk to.  One person that triggers a spark of interest.  It is quickly extinguished though for one reason or another.

I'm in a weird place.

I don't want to under appreciate it, but I am sure, sure as hell is a dark and cold place, I don't want to occupy this place for much longer.

Any suggestions on how to get out?