Offensive One, Offensive Two

Dan, 54, Christian...I Grow On People.


Often people treat that with Lotramin.

Starbucks mid-afternoon.  I have to take responsibility for this as I didn't really scrutinize his profile.  I guess early on I assumed when you put down age parameters men will look at them just enough to avoid rejection.  They do not.

Oh, and the Christian part.  Look, no offense to people of religion out there, but I am not interested.  I put Non-Religious for a reason.  Been there, done that.

Dan arrives and lets me know out of the gate, "Wow, you're really gorgeous.  Very pretty."
Thank you.
My first thought, Ohhhhhh no.  No, no, no.

I'd checked his profile again just before we met and saw his faith descriptor.  So as we went in to get my tea and his desert coffee drink I asked him, 'So you go to church?  Which one?'   He told me.  I know it.  It's very active in the community which I admire, but the few people I have run across from there sort of creep me out.

So we sit outside, a rare comfortable day in our usual summer oppression.  We talk a little and I find myself beginning to pepper in curse words and I realize even my subconscious wants to become unappealing to this man.

He is working hard to let me know he's loaded and retired and free to pursue entrepreneurial interests, such as making t-shirts perhaps.  That he plans to move to the coast in three years.

If I were a gold digger, he'd have found his arm candy.  However, I am NOT.  I was uncomfortable.

He mentioned if a movie is r rated, kids, meaning teen aged kids, shouldn't be allowed to watch it.  Another strike against me! Darn it.

 We talked a bit about online dating and he said that some women's profiles were a curiosity to him, that women in their 40's and getting into their 50's, their bodies start to change and they seem to get desperate.  That my pictures were decent enough (gee, thanks dad considering they are head shots and I am clearly fully clothed) but that other women have cleavage and then complain that they get a lot of sexual messages.

I wanted to point out that he seemed a little desperate and utterly out of shape, but I'm not a bitch so I just let him keep digging his own grave, because I handed him the shovel with my 'Let Her Eat Soap' dirty mouth.

At the end of the date he let me know he was going to ask me something, and that he was just curious, and to not be offended.  I already didn't care.  He mentioned my cursing and asked why I do it.

I said, I'm not offended at all, more than likely it is a bad habit.  Every once in a while I control it, but sometimes I feeel it is more than appropriate for certain situations.  **Like This One**

He said his daughter asked him, 'Dad.  Dad can't I Pleeeeeeez start saying the 'S' word?!'  He smugly explained to me it is not The 'S' word, but that it was suck, because he explained to his kids that even suck was a bad word...

I think I responded with, a Blank Stare.
This was on the heels of him telling me his daughter is just like her mother, his ex-wife.

What a Gem. Dan? Have you ever considered maybe 'I'm a control freak ChristianMingle.com'? 

So, what the Fuck was he thinking?  He'd appeal to me with his money and then help me find religion and stop cursing and life would be just be creepy clouds and G rated fun?

I think he was thinking that, and he let me know that I should really let him get to know me, that he grows on people.

I was grateful to get in my car, drive away, go buy pastries and a strawberry pie, drive home to pick up my corrupted sons, and then have bbq at my dysfunctional sinner friends house.