Sleepwalking

I have always had vivid dreams.  High Stakes dreams.

Last night I had a very uncomfortable dream.  I woke up right after and just got out of bed, early, 5am.  Tried to shake it off.  I made coffee, started making breakfast for my sons because my youngest only recognizes Sugar as a food group, and my oldest is beginning Testing.  The useless kind that pigeonholes them for the state.

In my dream I find myself with a man.  I don't feel particularly into him.  We are in a house, in a room and getting ready to move on to another place. *skip

He's behind me with his arms around me.  Each hand cupping a breast, lifting one then the other.  I don't want him touching me this way but don't say anything.  He asks me, mouth close to my ear, breath on my neck, 'When did you get your implants?'  Lifts one, then the other, as if testing their weight.  I know being touched intimately Should be nice.  I just feel invaded and angry.  I hate the size of my breasts, I hate the 'implants', I hate him.  I want smaller breasts.  I feel regret that I don't have smaller breasts.  I feel regret he's been able to make me feel this way and what the hell is he talking about anyway?!!?  Why am I believing it's real because he is questioning like it is... *skip

He's undressing.  I'm not into him.  I'm observing him and he's moving around like this is an everyday thing.  I want to leave.

I look at him.  He's down to his boxer briefs.  I see his body is exactly like John's.  Everything is exactly like John's from his chin down.  Everything, really, except his face.  Even his hair.  Just his face is different, which is vaguely Dark European.  I'm shocked but quickly recover.  He's smaller in stature.  Much shorter.  Lesser.  I don't like him.  I don't say anything.

I'm over it. *wake up uncomfortable

And I really do wish I could have my boobs dealt with.  Wishing is all I have so I try to ignore it.

It's as useful as sleepwalking.